Anyone else experiencing a man struggle? People, I am. I feel as if I’m expecting the world, yet I don’t make any real moves, there’s no one to move to. I’m your typical ghoster, I start conversations – bumble, tinder – tried a few. They say one thing, and I go off it, or honestly – I can’t be arsed (f**k apps). I’m picky yet I don’t have a type. Do we all think ‘maybe men are scared of me?’ Because ‘maybe we’re part of the problem?’ Is it because I’m nearly 6ft tall? I thought all I wanted was someone to cuddle, who likes long walks, who gets on with all my friends, who can tolerate my family, who is hopefully foreign (preferably English is not their native language)…but maybe I want a lot more than that. I know I’m not a bad person, but I’m selfish, I like to do my own thing, I value my independence, it’s a whole game ;). I read ‘party girl’, not ‘looking to settle down’, sounds like a snore…I could get on board with looking to ‘share life together’ sound better right? I’m a fighter in the feminist battle, but I’m no Sergeant Major, I don’t want to be feared because I’m strong, I want to feel secure that I don’t need him, but want him madly. I have hope, wonder, I daydream, living life through imagination, where men come second but they’re still the centre. I know others the same way inclined, sadly not another that I can call mine. I’m clinging onto the tassels of the free-spirited self I once was, yes the party girl, who gave into living in the most exceptional way, in a place where all exists is freedom in the eyes of those who feel free. Who are open to this next space in time that presents itself in a flash to them. Cliches galore. I bathe in you. Man, I begin to feel the search for you. I feel a stupid woman, yet a strong woman still. I’m a ‘likes to be alone’, woman. Find me a man, and man – don’t run.
I’m hoping men face the same struggles.